This story begins 7 months ago when an attorney colleague asked me to call one of his clients who was frail. He knew that I was the person that had the skill set to ensure that she was getting her needs met and that she had a plan to stay healthy and safe. This person was the Magnificent Mrs. MB. Her daughter came in from Canada to assist her after she had a minor heart attack in the hospital after being hospitalized for a bleeding ulcer. One year earlier, Mrs. MB had an extensive and highly invasive surgery because she had esophageal cancer. They used her stomach to re-construct her esophagus and now, for the rest of her life, she must sleep in an upright position. She had COPD and now emphysema and used oxygen.
Mrs. MB is 76 years old and for almost her entire adult life was the care taker for her husband who in the 1980’s was in an automobile accident and suffered minor brain damage. Now in his 80’s he has a rather well entrenched case of dementia. I conducted a mini mental status examination and other standardized test on him that confirmed this diagnosis.
I did not meet with MB then. She did not want to hire me. Distrustful and afraid of change, she rejected her daughter’s pleas.
Exactly one month ago she called me. I went to meet with her. She had the biggest, bluest most alert eyes I have ever seen. They said I can size you up in a second and swallow you. I took her history. I found out that she was a retired psychiatric registered nurse. I found out that she wanted her husband out. She wanted her husband out. She had had enough. She was too frail to care for him and any suggestion of in home care for respite relief or getting him out of the house to an adult day health care center was not going to cut it. As time went on and as will be revealed later, I came to find out why I was being hired to be this seemingly affable man’s henchwoman.
As for her, she wanted her life back, she wanted to be social again and herself entertained moving into a nice assisted living facility. She had been an alcoholic and for the last 20 years a valued mentor to many suffering from that disease. Her social life centered around those functions. In order for her to accomplish that, it was clear that she needed major nutritional counseling. She was very thin. She needed a lift put into her home to assist her with the 15 stairs to her room and grab bars installed. And, her legal affairs had to be put in order. Her estate plan was woefully outdated.
This seemed like a very easy case, one that my initial retainer could cover. I went back to my office, wrote a report with my recommendations and findings and summarily delivered it. One of my recommendations was that she re-consider moving her husband. I thought that she was underestimating the value of having a routine every day suddenly evaporate. It could be lonely and isolating. Certainly she could get some relief through the adult day health care center or in home care. However, I would come to find out that there were people lining up to be at this woman’s side, every day, all day.
