Once upon a time lived a very bad girl. She took and took from her kind hearted mother even when her mother, wife of a once very prominent dentist, was well into her 90’s and had very little left to give.
Now I use that term “give” lightly as most of the time it was less give than outright petty theft.
Everyone knew that this daughter stole this woman’s check book and depleted her life’s savings, forged her signature on loan documents, destroyed her home with dozen of urine spewing cats, but no one did anything.
Why? Would it further surprise you to know that this 95 year old woman is my wonderful and funny and brilliant aunt? That this girl is my 53 year old adopted cousin?
I am after all an attorney, a gerontologist and former elder law professor. Why have I done nothing?
The answer is easy. Although this appears to be elder abuse, my aunt does not want anything done. She may complain and complain, but she has her wits about her, knows what and who her daughter is and will not take any action. In fact, she continues to welcome her into her home to and to financially violate her.
There is something that my aunt gets out of this dysfunctional dynamic. Without this she would surely die. I want her alive, all of us do. She may be poor as a church mouse now (I hope that is not politically incorrect, I just don’t know anymore), but she has something less tangible, and that is the need to be needed.
Most often, there is something that that the older adult is getting in return for what we see as financial abuse. Who of us is to say that what they are “paying” for does not have value?
