Grumpy Old Man And Me!

What a grumpy man….I just met with an 88 year old man who used profanity that even I, the queen of naughty language, never heard. Maybe he was making some of  the words up. Or, maybe they were bad words at the turn of the 20^th century. If I sound rough, it is only because I had to smile as he berated me to a pulp. Actually, I understand why he was a grouch; once fiercely independent he was now being told that his right to drive was being rescinded.

They say that your personality gets magnified when you get older. So, if you are a very pleasant and reserved person in your youth and adult years, you will be extremely reserved and perhaps even an outright recluse as an older adult.

It stands to reason than the opposite is true. If you were prone to angry outbursts and lacked the ability to hold your tongue, when you get old the people around you should either take cover or grow a thick skin in a Darwinesque “Survival of the Species” way.

Failure to do so will result in withdrawal from your loved one’s life at a time when they most need you or when you have a limited opportunity to find joy in between the lines. It will never get better than it is in the present;  your parent no longer has the ability to adapt to your emotional needs, and maybe they never did.

When I was at an American Society on Aging Conference, there was a session entitled “How to take care of a parent who didn’t care for you.” If I tell you the room was packed that would be an understatement.

I knew why I was there, but it just could not be possible that all of those professionals had the same struggles as me. Actually, they did and more…there were tales of not just verbal abuse (the type that I endured) but physical and sexual abuse as well.

There was a story of how one police department called a daughter who was sexually abused by her mother and stepfather as a child and told her that if she did not come and take care of her mother, she would be arrested for neglect and abuse.

That was a lie, you have no legal obligation to care for a sick parent. Any obligation that we have is self imposed by religious beliefs, our culture,  or pure love.

Maybe you are just a good person. And what does that mean? When you get old your attributes will be enhanced and you will be a truly GREAT PERSON!