Have you ever heard of a double negative? That is what it is like to have role models that represent everything that you do not want to be and who conduct themselves in a ways that you find inappropriate and offensive.
I call them the anti-models.
It takes a great deal of strength and maturity to find something positive when confronted by these people. To someone who holds onto grudges, I say “thanks for showing me what I do not want to be like.” And I act accordingly. When at the mercy of someone who reacts instead of seeks to understand, I say “thanks for showing me what I would look like if I didn’t take a minute to think before I hit the send button or leave an angry message.” And I act accordingly.
When I have to deal with someone whose emotional quotient is low, whose maturity level stagnated, I say “I will act like an adult because my success in life and business depends on it.” When I am being judged by one who is in no position to judge, I tell myself that “being judgmental is not attractive.” When gossip gets the better of people, I say “I will not republish falsehoods.”
My parents were great anti-role models on many fronts. For years I never understood what a gift they gave me. I complained that I was not given chances, that I was robbed of happiness as a child. While it is all true, and if Iwas not a forgiving, non-grudge bearing person, I might have let those technicalities ruin my life. But, as an adult, I recognize their anti-role model value, and am a better mother and spouse because of their conduct.
So as we get older let others be our teachers, even if their messages are repugnant because role models come in all forms..
